I am Afraid..

Posted: July 6, 2012 in curcol abiss :D, English

It has been long time ago, I felt this feeling. When I was in Junior High School ten years ago, I was falling in love for the first time. My mind was abnormal, I couldn’t control it. Where ever, when ever, for some days, she was in my head. I was nervous when I was talking with her. I was jealous when I was seeing her with someone, although I hadn’t a special relationship with her. At that time, really, I hadn’t understood what the matter was with me. What was feeling that? It was so strange. Ten years ago, I was falling in love for the first time.

Time was running, my love was running, too. There are a lot of beautiful memories at that time. The power of love has made my life more life. But, when I was at senior high school, we were breaking up. There was different paradigm between us. So that’s why, stopping our relationship was the best solution I guess at that time. After that, for more than five years, I didn’t feel a love anymore. Even, I didn’t understand what love is. I was sure; I wouldn’t feel love anymore, except when I have really been ready to married with someone. I was sure, I looked for my life partner when the time is coming, or short time before the time comes true. Once more, I was so sure; there was nobody can steal my heart before the timing.

Today, it’s so strange; I got the “javu”. I don’t understand guys. That’s feeling come again. It comes suddenly, so I couldn’t refuse it. Every day, I am happy when see her. I feel comfort when talk with her. My chest is heat when seeing her with someone. What the hell feeling it is!!! It is love, isn’t it? Again? Really, I won’t get the feeling. I won’t fall in love anymore. The time hasn’t match. And will not with her, she isn’t my criteria. But, why? My heart is felt different. I am really scary to fall in love with her. I really worry if I always miss her. I am really afraid if I enjoy my time with her. I really don’t really want to feel all of these. Unfortunately, love couldn’t be controlled. Now, I am feeling that feeling!!!!

Yaa Rabbi, please help me to control my mind, to rule this feeling. Help me, in order this love just given to the right girl and when the time has been coming. Just to You my Rabb, I’m praying and hoped in. Hopefully it can be change soon. Wanna go from this city, in order my feeling will go, too. Hopefully, everything will be normal again.

I am afraid…. to fail in love again.

  1. falling in love is the fitrah of human
    as a human falling in love is normal
    the most important we can guard the love
    and the rule of love

  2. anggiawan23 says:

    @Kiky: can you explain it, how to guard the love?
    Can love go anywhere? 😀

  3. deauror2015 says:

    speechless da

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